Three years passed before the realization and actualization of my desire. Three long harrowing years, I remember avoiding the house during school breaks, opting to spend it with other families. I wasn’t sure of myself around my own father, I wanted him, and I wanted him bad, so it was best to avoid him I reasoned. The desire would pass.
I was a fool. My father is a handsome man, wealthy by Nigerian standards and he aged gracefully. So instead of the desire abating, I found myself longing for him more and more. Once I saw that avoidance would not help, I gave myself freely to any and all takers. Don’t judge me, I tried the relationship run in my freshman year and it crashed woefully during the sophomore year (if you’re wondering, that’s just year 1 and 2, olodo) when I caught dear boo kissing and getting steamy with a supposed friend. I ended it right there, I cried for days then made up my mind, I was not going to invest anymore emotion in the so called hoax called relationships.
There’s a saying, ‘never make life decisions when you are reeling from hurt’ well I couldn’t care less. The man I loved was somewhat unavailable and a girl always has needs. So I went with Dare, he seemed like a good date. I showed him around for a month before dumping him. I reckoned it was a mutually benefiting relationship. He took it in stride and moved on. He is the only guy who never came back to beg and ask for a second chance. I remember some of his philosophies: ‘life is about letting go; if a thing is yours, it would doubtless find you.’ So, Dare was annoying in that he took life easy.
After a year of playing the school slut, I made a turnaround and got my act together when I noticed that somehow, I was losing touch with myself and life didn’t seem as fun as it used to be. I decided I was going home to be with my family, I had been on too many tours and I was coming back home, unfortunately, what I thought and what happened were two different things.
I got home and met my mom packing for a business trip, Jide had gone to Abuja on an official trip for the week and Tomiwa as always had gone to Uncle Ayoade’s. I reckoned there’s a lady there who’s the object of his attention and the main reason he went there. So my planned reunion with my family would have to wait a while; everyone was going away, save for dad and I.
I spent the day with mum; she was travelling the following morning, so I helped with packing and in her uncanny way, mum looked me over.
‘When I get back in a week’s time, I want to see the boy.’ She said, her back turned to me.
I continued packing pretending I didn’t know she was addressing me.
She turned round, ‘young lady, did you hear me?’
Of course I heard her, but which boy would I bring home to her? The only person I could present is Dare and he has since been snagged up after I let him go. Besides, anyone who heard mum would think she was looking to meet my boyfriend, far from it. So I deflected. ‘What boy ma?’ I prayed I hadn’t lost my innocent look.
She studied me for a while. ‘I hear stories about the girls in that school of yours, please steer clear of bad company okay?’
I nodded and we complete the task at hand in quiet. If she knew then I had devices on her husband, I am sure I would not have made it out of the room alive, but I did. That night we had dinner together as a family, just the three of us, Abdul – the driver – had been told to come pick mum as early as 6a.m. the next day. After dinner, I did the chores and went to bed, ours is a house where house-helps are not really welcome.
The following day, mum left, dad, though he didn’t really need to went to work and I was left by myself at home. At first I thought the cinemas might be a good distraction until I found the new adventure games Jide had bought. Of the lot, I picked ‘God Of War III’ and that was my companion the whole day. Dad called during the day that he might be a while getting home. He was going to hang with the big boys. That was when it first occurred to me that I would be alone with daddy in the house. Daddy and I all alone…
It is said, ‘an idle hand is the devil’s workshop’ I swear, the game I was playing was too interactive for the devil to use my hands. But as I thought about the idea after pausing the game, it made sense. I went into my room to check if I had some of the pills from school left, I did, I smiled. No matter, this would be the night. I put my plan in motion…