Breathe… Sleep

When weariness becomes a friend
And despair and loneliness seem to hold on tight
When the world comes crashing down
Atlas shirks his job, failing to carry world
When you’ve pushed so hard
And the fight has left you, still,
Remember this, a new day cometh
Breathe… Sleep you WILL fight again.

When confidence becomes scarce
And unfortunate events seem to trail you
When your essence is very much in doubt
And standing tall becomes a battle
When you give it your best shot
And it seems not to matter
Remember this, a new day cometh
Breathe… Sleep you will be presented another chance

When you have cried yourself hoarse
Heartbreaks seem to have a hold on you
When you call and shout
And no one hears your pleas
When it all seems meaningless
And suicide becomes an appealing bride, dear pause,
Remember this, a new day cometh
Breathe… Sleep there is a GOD who answers all prayers

When rising in the morning is a huge challenge
The prospects of the day crushes your soul
When the bills pile up
And payment defies rocket science
When you’ve spent your all… Utterly, totally emptied
And more is required of you
Remember this, a new day cometh
Breathe… Sleep cast your cares and worries onto HIM

The key to life is to breathe
The key to health, sleep… replenish your soul
Often the vicissitudes of life takes two
And then one, leaving people to gasp and pant
There is no shortage of air beloved,
Breathe… Your life depends on it
Sleep… Rest is a valid commandment
Remember this: worry does not make a man taller or a woman prettier
It has the opposite effect
So cast your troubles on God, breathe and sleep…
For on the morrow, HE’ll give you another chance and a fresh inspiration to conquer the challenge
So whatever you may be going through…
It’s a wise mantra to have this: And This Too Shall Soon Pass Away…

CAMP BLUES – Day2

I was rudely awoken by Gbolahan at 4.30am the following day. ‘Dude, wake up, we need to go fetch water to bathe’ he announced. Still groggy and tired from the previous day’s activities, I got up reluctantly. Steadied myself against the bunk and rubbed my eyes. I suddenly didn’t like the idea of waking early. All the boys in my room were awake and about… I was last to rise.

We went downstairs to fetch water after discovering we couldn’t get water on our floor which was the third floor by the way. I made one very small mistake then, I thought I was in my house at OOU and didn’t bother wearing clothes… so with my boxers, I went all the way down. It was dark anyways and nobody would notice me I had reasoned. Nobody did, initially. Until the paramilitary boys started blowing their whistles demanding we report at the parade ground for the morning’s drill.

I went back upstairs to get clothes, drop my water and go for parade, but met the door to our room locked by overzealous roommates. Gbolahan suggested we keep our water in the opposite room and without being punished, I went to the parade in my boxer shorts looking for my roommates so as to collect the key and get into the room. I could not find anyone, and after about twenty minutes and cold descending on me, I went back up determined to break the lock.

I did, eventually. Got dressed and went back down. Everyone around bullied me for my indiscretion, but I’d learnt an invaluable lesson on camp. Never leave your room without your clothes on. Went back down and had a long windy lecture. We were all tired by the time the address was over. We also got taught the NYSC anthem. I didn’t learn needless to say, was busy making a nuisance of myself to everyone around me.

We eventually dispersed, there was rice for breakfast and afterwards, registration continued. I finally got my kit around noon, but like all the others, there was a lot of things wrong with the kits. I had to trade other Corps members and the game of Monopoly recurred in my head.

After the collection of kits, all boys didn’t have much to do by way of activities. We kept pretending like we hadn’t collected the Khakhis in order to shirk parade. Instead we went touring, scoping out all the shapes and sizes, exploring the crests and troughs of the opposite sex. Most of the girls who had looked drab the previous day, suddenly turned hawt! The camp was on fire and we were ready adventurers…

CAMP BLUES – Day1

I woke up with a start. Impatience was my middle name and forte. I had barely slept during the night, the rush of adrenaline was just too powerful, I was pumped as I was when got to the Ibis hotel and couldn’t sleep. This was way different though, but my excitement was palpable.

I got prepped and waited on Deji to get ready. D1 had gone to make certain the car was good to go and his wife was urging us to leave the apartment and go to the car. I needed no urging, I could barely contain myself. I was going to be a guest of the Federal Government of Nigeria for the next three weeks, and I was ambivalent as to my expectations.

We got to the NYSC Orientation camp before 7am on the 5th July 2011, Derayo had driven Deji and I. We strolled through the gates not knowing that we had voluntarily signed up for a three week jail-term. And that all the stories we had heard about how wonderful NYSC camps were, were absolute shams. We were about to find out first hand how much the Government valued us.

First we had to queue, males on one line; females on the other. After a while, we were asked to grab chairs and we were addressed by an impressive official. I don’t entirely recollect what she said, or what her name was. I do know though, that she made an impression and I fell in love with her instantly (not the amorous kinda love dudes, stay afloat).

After that mini induction, we were asked to resume our queues for room and bunk assignments. Trust Nigerians, disorderliness soon crept in. The wannabe soldiers (they weren’t really from the army) assigned to organize us soon found their hands full and so we had our first round of free entertainment.

After a couple of hours pushing and shoving, we finally made the cut, left the queue and got assigned rooms. I got a room with Gbolahan and Opeyemi, coursemates of mine from school. We dropped our bags, marked our bunks, then went downstairs to register with our presence with the scheme. By the way I got MH 44.

Back at the parade ground, we made one eeny weeny mistake. We felt the wheels in NYSC would roll differently from the dysfunction we had come from, so we sat patiently under the sun waiting to get a certificate slip and to go register and get a state code. We were there for hours and those who got to camp at 11am got registered before us, because they understood, in Naija you gotta be ready to hustle.

I didn’t get into the registration hall till past three pm. After potential Corps members like myself had pushed the door to the hall so hard the glass shattered. It was then that Ayo (a statistic major from school) told me that instead of queuing, there was a back entry into the place. I went with him and got a move on after several hours of waiting. I was about getting my photo snapped and getting my state code when we were all convened at the parade ground, again!

At first we thought it was due to the fact that we had been unruly enough to break a door. Turned out, it was just another introductory speech. This time we were introduced to the camp director, Mrs Belinda Faniyi; the camp commandant, captain mohammed (I think I might have forgotten his name shawks) and the NYSC state coordinator Mr Laniyan (at the time, I had problems remembering his name, still do) who asked us to address him as Igwe. He was really amiable and all, but at the time, my blackberry’s battery had died so I went to charge at a vendor’s and thus missed a substantial part of the speech. That ceremony ran too long, and as if to save us from the monotony of endless speeches, the heavens let up and we were dispersed.

It rained for a couple of hours and when it subsided, like a real trooper, I was back at the registration hall. This time, it went a little easier and I got my state code which I won’t disclose for obvious reasons (bite me :p) but couldn’t get my kit that night due to the fact that the official in charge had decided to call it a night. I went back to my room after being conscripted to carry the kits bag to the officials lodge.

I went back to my room tired, hungry and cold. The excitement still burned, and the novelty hadn’t washed away. I was told there was food at the kitchen, so I went there and got food. I’d managed to eat just once during the day and that was around 4pm. Day 1 did not go exactly as I had seen it in my head, the FGN was loosing points. I hoped, they would recover and score cool points from day 2.

Lights out…

Separation

Death as a phenomenon isn’t final; It is not the end. Though loved ones may cease to exist, and friends may go far far away. Still life does not end, the dream continues to live… remember the french saying when you’re feeling blue… ‘c’est la vie’ (it is fated…)

I lost my phone on the 12th april 2012 whilst in a bus going home after work that day. Earlier I’d written an exam and passed so needless to say, I was somewhat ecstatic and euphoric… I entered the bus and sat majestically, not a worry in the whole damn world. My phone slid out of my pocket and the first person to notice pretended as though he was in a rush to also get into the bus. Needless to say, I noticed my phone was gone several minutes after he had made away with the phone. Of course by then, it was too late and I’d become… well bb-less.

So for the first time in weeks, I couldn’t tweet or blog in traffic, could not annoy friends on bbm as I sat down quietly in the bus, somewhat subdued. I’d just lost my very best friend and lover. Before the girls start stoning, and the bus peg me as loco, my phone was to a large extent my main comms medium. It did practically what I asked and though at the time, I was already hating on blackberry, it stayed loyal to me, barring network providers issues of course… :d

So I sat still in the bus, wondering how the phone had been stolen, berating myself for been too careless and ultimately cursing the dude who was the proximate reason for the blues… It was indeed a sad time for me and for the next few days, I had withdrawal issues, though I did not admit it to anyone. I just told friends my phone was gone and though given to much speech, I couldn’t really articulate how I’d lost my prized asset (literally).

I continued thinking, asking myself how I’d gone wrong and all. All the classic symptoms of a jilted lover that I never really had when Tosin dumped my arse, or as Florence walked away before her. I have never really missed or cried over a girl, but when the phone went, I’m sure my eyes misted and I had all sorts of unexplainable feelings… I was heartbroken, AGAIN.

Like a good marriage that ended abruptly, I wanted some sort of closure, I kept reliving memories of how the phone had been a really cool companion. It actually came and took the place of my PSP and I didn’t really look back at the game… Now the phone had been stolen and I stood naked, wondering, when I would be getting a new one.

A couple of days later whilst talking with friends, I was told I could get another phone soon at a really cheap rate. It was good news and I started planning and saving for that phone. Though I don’t yet own that new phone physically, I disconnected from my old one and finally smiled again… sincerely.

Somehow, in all that drama I realized, that my symptoms were classic for any bereaved person. The pain of separation the bitterness of abandonment. The blame and the annoyance and the inexplicable feelings rolled into one. I realized then that no matter what, people have the capacity to walk away. To move on; to live again and fulfill a seemingly crushed dream. I concluded then, death is not final, separation is not the end. You may and will go through things (granted), but your life would be richer for that experience.

Remember, take it one day a time. Focus on living, breathe. Life goes on and it is your duty to live. Fulfill your dreams, you owe it to yourself and humanity. Smile, even that phase too will pass, and you’ll smile as you remember, wondering why you were so distraught at first. C’est la vie (such is life) it is your duty to live after every separation, for it just taught you an invaluable lesson.

Finally I’ll leave you with this phrase (corny though it may be, it is very apt now): what doesn’t kill you will only make you stronger. LIVE

I hate love stories… REALLY?

Recently started downloading and seeing Hindi movies again… please don’t stop reading or consider me a gay yet abeg (I have some really weird friends y’all). Having seen classics like Kuch kuch hota hai, kal ho na ho, dilwale dunia le jayenge, hum tum, and a host of others, seeing another Hindi love story wasn’t gon’ affect me as deeply as Veer-Zaara and kal ho na ho did I thought. I was way wrong! Like they say in Hindi ‘gana hoga hai’? “u sang yet” I was feeling the blues as I saw this movie. Rather old, I can’t call a movie released in 2010 new, but it had a definite panache I couldn’t shake

True to form and as real love stories go… the girl fell in love, declares her vulnerability but the fool of a guy lets her go then realizes there’s no one to laugh at his cynicism and suddenly starts missing the babe… na there the ghenghen (Naija movie theme) start… I dey come…

Okay, basic principle, get a basket-case of a girl (hopelessly mushy) and a die hard dude (cynical Casanova) get them to spend time together, the girl hating his hide the boy unable to stand her primness. Gradually something gives, as Celine sang “tale as old as time” suddenly they become inseparable; budding girlfriends (sorry yaar, that’s the terminology) and they begin sharing secrets that should remain secret. Light has been set to the fuse inadvertently…

As this story went, there was everything a real dude would do in it. Annoy the girl so bad she’s searching for guns… having seen several movies in the last one week, this one I’ll be keeping for its refreshing feel. The costume was just right, the shirts… crazy (Erad, you need to see the movie oo, you’ll be inspired) and I loved the fact that the boy’s mother scolded him and got him to get off his ass. That was a real coup.

In all, I hate luv storys as a movie may be another typical love story, the producers may tag it a saga, epic or whatever fanciful name they desire, still it doesn’t diminish the fact that somewhere, right now now in the world, someone is becoming a believer and experiencing love… others may though be suffering the opposite…

 

Yes the movie tried and all, but what would the post be if I don’t add my own little philosophy. Simply stated, never let a girl ghost your heart… she’ll score a wonderful goal like Ramirez did against Barcelona and break your heart, leaving you susceptible to a F. Torres goal at the death… if you follow football, you’ll catch my drift. Anyways, the worst line a guy can tell a lady is ‘I just want you to be happy anywhere you are in the world’. Na lie! not one dude means that crap. What we mean is ‘babe you gotta wake up and realize I’m suffering here, stay with me’. Just like when a girl sends a girl all sorts of mixed messages. Then again, what do I know of love?

 

As the saying goes ‘why do fools fall in love?’ I’ve contemplated it to no end, truth is… only fools fall in love. Whether you agree or not is entirely up to you. Me, I’ve determined to fall on my own terms, Cupid aint gon’ be shooting this dude down no matter what. Still you never know, I just may be the biggest fool waiting in the wings to leap, hoping to fly… We’ll see…

NB: Shout out to all Barcelona fans, I predicted a draw at the Camp Nou and though the referee gave the home team undue advantage by sending off Terry, still the away team managed to score 2 goals… Ramires’ been a real stunner… Now waiting for Real Madrid to qualify and then beat Chelsea again in the final :d

cheers everyone…

DEATH

Walk… life keeps moving

Breathe… it is the key to your existence

Live… life holds untold promises

Die… it is the hallmark of life

Run… this pace is frenetic

Swim… the waters calleth thee

Still… pause; momentarily observe

Fall… it heralds the advent of new lessons

Fly… the greatest feeling released terrestrial

Cruise… be unstoppable by the elements

Freeze… snapshots, highlights, moments in time

Crumble… even the strong have enduring weaknesses

On this perch I stand

L-one-ly and one

Watching as time fleets, observing the seasons go…

An uncommon conclusion I divine thus

Death is not absolute…

It is the end of life as we know it…

…the beginning of a new unknown

So in all thy doings, this understand

Dying daily makes you alive

For tis in the realm of the unseen you’d dwell

Few there be, that walk these paths

Few there be, that the world has sung

Few there be, that dared to DIE

That the multitude, the people might life enjoy…

NB: don’t think of death literally oo. And since I don’t have a death-wish myself, it means I’m referring to severance of relationships… of habits… of ties… Now please reread. Sure you’ll understand me better. If you do not, do share your views.

Touch

I be wolverine

‘Cause for none I’ll tears shed

My heart shut against the populace

Or so it was my story went.

 

I am unfeeling

Yet sadness be my forte

As gloom and sorrow filled the street

Watching men, green clad, break hearts

And lives turned south

A tear escaped

 

It flashes the kids that would hungry go

Of hubbies that would doubtless, war

Of dreams… dear dreams shattered again

‘twas a golden tear that did escape

 

Helpless I stood and watched the unfolding

As wares and lives were withholding

As tears and dirge be the music erupting

Yet helpless in the midst I stand observing

As rage and anger grows wanton

My mind was tasked to do something

A calling I see, a purpose sublime

I MUST make the world a MUCH better  place than I met it

I MUST touch lives and bring smiles and warmth to people

I Am Terror

In loneliness scheming

This grandiose dreaming

Twixt the world and I seeming

A war unending brewing

The arms I’d forsaken appealing

For you alone seeing

Starry-eyed I’ll go down fighting

For no harm must come nigh thee

Pretty lady to the I call

Make me Osama, I’ll blow your twin-towers

Hasib,your tunnel I’ll blast

Bush, your gulf wars I’ll charge

Till like Obama we victorious emerge…

Jekyl and Hide me, my soft parts you’ll feel

Like Wolverine I’ll make your head reel

Superme(an) I’ll make your dreams real

For tis in the skies I’ll make you chill

The world would fear me

A terror they’d label see

But thee would be bonds-free

For tis you be my nature’s sea

To them, I am the terror

To you, a lover lorn you’ll hold…

Elegy Of The Dead

The beats hit stronger
The drums sound louder
And the dancers yield and sway harder
With reckless abandon as the music plays higher
Still unmoved I am
Though considered the best of the lot
I refused to…, dance!

The boy unannounced crashes the party
He begins to dance as soon as he hears the drums
The lady too follows suit
Gyrating and sweating as her body wiggles
I shake my head pitiful; they do not know, I muse
For this music they must shut out
And to the beats they must not move
But they did…, dance!

Soon emptiness becomes my companion
Loneliness my confidante
And the tears – stymied – drops!
For family, friends and loved ones I’ve lost
To the vicissitudes and cruelty that’s life!
Still it must go on…, the dance!

And although I refuse continually to dance
The jockey mixing tapes will find mine
Sooner or later… I pray it’s later, waaay later (lol)
I have come to understand
That no matter how long
Or how obstinately we refuse
We will one day be swayed by the music
And dance to the rhythm that ends life
For it must go on, this dance!

So vicious as the cycle may seem
We must learn to flow with it
And bide our time as we patiently wait our turn
To take centre-stage in the elegy of the dead
And as life ends and vaporizes…, dance!

To all the fallen that we know all the unsung heroes that never were and all those who blitzed the earth. Hope this is a good enough ode.

RUSH…

I woke up late this morning. The time was already 7:30am when I opened my eyes to welcome the day. Somehow, I think I might have woken up later, had the morning rays not radiated on my face. I roused slowly, stretched and yawned lazily then started thinking of what to do today.

Of course, it’s my CDS day, so lazily, I set about my domestic duties. That entails: laundry, house-keeping and toilet things(don’t ask me). Got all those done in record time and was about going to bathe when my phone rang. It was Sylvie, my Corps Editor and she needed a favour. Seeing as she had determined to punk CDS, I agreed to help and she sent me an e-mail.

Whilst washing, I’d asked my landlady’s granddaughter when last we had light in the street. She said it was the previous day, but I hadn’t been lucky enough to use NEPA/PHCN light since Monday and it’s Friday today. She then continued, ‘NEPA people came and disconnected the light yesterday…’ I didn’t allow her finish as I went to my meter.

True to form, NEPA pips had left a reconnection bill form for me, I was seething. The damn company sells me darkness and fleeces me monthly, now, it’s officials wanted to take me for a ride. I was murderous. My phone rang again then…

It was my sister and she wanted her keys. Told her to show. When she arrived, we talked about Don Jazzy and D’banj’s break-up as I imagine loads of people are doing already in their homes. I told her my take on the issue, it’s none of my business, they’re both big boys and she shared her native wisdom.

Then she told me our mutual friend Seun Omojola had started singing and is using the stage name Vilara. Her song ‘mo fe ba e lo’ isn’t so bad, at least I could sensibly say dis is what it’s about… Also, she had a cool producer and so the tune is really… Well give it a listen here and share your thoughts, she’s a friend… http://www.bellanaija.com/2012/03/09/new-music-vilara-mofe-ba-e-lo/

Where was I in the rant before I turned publicist sef? Yes, I was hating on NEPA (please don’t correct me that they’re now PHCN, that branding killed them). I got dressed in my NYSC apparel, just the khaki trousers and a white top. And set for their office. I knew they would ask me for payments, so I went prepared with all of my weekend allowance! :’(

At the NEPA office, I complained to the Marketing Manager who summoned my area’s marketer. They discovered it was their service failure that culminated in my not getting a bill this month. That said, we went to the customer service office and lo and behold, NEPA did me in for darkness again! O_O

I formed big boy, pay the entire due, whilst groaning internally. The marketer wanted to suggest that I pay a reconnection fee to which I bared my fangs, he sobered and called someone to reconnect me for free *whew* the time was then past ten a.m., I was already late for CDS and I still had a mail to print. *na wah oo*

On my way to the internet cafe to go print, I remember that my CDS card wasn’t in my bag. Since I was still in the area, I went back home and got that. Printed the mail at the cafe and set out for Iyana Ipaja. The time was close to eleven a.m. and I was still at surulere!

Finally got to the orientation camp at noon and because I was wearing slippers, sojo bounced me at the gate, demanding dat I wear the normal whites or boots. I did and entered the camp. I saw my CDS members and they started harrassing yours truly for coming late. I told then the adventures of Derin and they became sympathetic immediately.

We got to meet with our new inductees, sharing anecdotes and experiences. We were properly introduced and we got at least five new members… more will follow. My blackberry battery actually died at this point, ’cause I was writing on my blackberry app that’s now like my wordpad.

Left NYSC camp an hour later having charged my phone’s battery. Met Deola at Iyana Ipaja on my way home and the hug was glorious! Guess it’s remaining Solape now . It was indeed a crazy day, and sanity returned as I got farther from the orientation camp and NYSC…